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The Qur'an emphasizes the
spiritual objectives of marriage, making them the foundations of marital life. These
objectives are realized in the peace of mind which comes through wholesome sexual
experience with the spouse whom one loves, in the enlargement of the circle of love and
affection between the two families united through marriage, and in the nurturing of
affection and tenderness among the children under the loving care of their parents. These
are the objectives mentioned by Allah Ta'ala: And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among
yourselves, that you may dwell with them in tranquility, and He has put love and mercy
between you. Indeed, in this are signs for those who reflect. (30:21)
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At the same time, the Qur'an
does not neglect the sensual aspect and the physical relationship between husband and
wife. It guides human beings to the best path, fulfilling the demands of the sexual urge
while avoiding harmful or deviant practices.
It is reported that the Jews and Zoroastrians used to go to extremes in
avoiding any physical contact with menstruating women, while the Christians continue to
have sexual relations with them without regard to the flow of blood. The Arabs of the
period of jahiliyyah would not eat, drink, or sit with women who were menstruating
and would send them to separate dwelling just as the Jews and Zoroastrians did.
Accordingly, some Muslims asked the Prophet (peace be on him) about
what is permitted and what is forbidden in relation to menstruating women. The following
verse was then revealed: And they
ask thee about menstruation. Say: It is a hurt, so refrain from women during their
menstruation and do not approach them until they are cleansed. And when they have cleansed
themselves you may go in to them in the manner ordained by Allah; indeed, Allah loves
those who turn to Him and He loves those who are clean. (2:222)
Some people understood the phrase, "Refrain from women," as
meaning that they should not live together in the same house during the menstrual periods.
The Prophet (peace be on him) then explained the correct meaning of this verse, saying,
I ordered you only to refrain from having
intercourse with menstruating women and did not tell you to send them out of the house as
the foreigners do.
When the Jews of Madinah heard this they said,
"This man does not like to leave any part of what we do unchanged, but does the
opposite."('Tafsir of al-Razi, vol. 6, p. 66.)
Thus the Muslim can fondle and enjoy
his menstruating wife, avoiding only the place of hurt. The Islamic position in this
regard is, as always, a middle one, between the one extreme of expelling the menstruating
woman from the house and the other extreme of having intercourse with her.
Recent medical researchers have discovered that the menstrual flow
contains a toxic substance which, if undischarged, may be harmful to the body. Likewise,
they have discovered the reason why intercourse should be avoided during this time. The
reproductive organs become highly congested and the nerves very sensitive due to the
secretion of the internal glands; consequently, intercourse may irritate them, possibly
impeding the menstma1 flow and causing inflammation of the sexual organs.(See Al-Islam wal-Tibb
al-Hadith (Islam and
Modern Medicine) by the late 'Abdul 'Aziz Isma'il.)
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Concerning the sensual
relationship, these words of Allah Ta'ala were revealed: Your wives are a tillage to you, so go in to your tillage as
you will, and send (ahead something) for your souls; and fear Allah and know that you will
(one day) meet Him, and give glad tidings to the Believers. (2:223)
The Indian scholar, Waliullah Dehlavi, in explaining the Occasion of
the revelation of this ayah and its significance says: The Jews had unnecessarily
restricted the postures of sexual intercourse without any divine authority. The Ansar (of
Madinah) being their friends, followed their practice and used to say, 'If a man has
intercourse with his wife through the vagina while he is on her back, the child will have
a squint.' Thus the verse, 'So go in to your tillage as you will' was revealed; that is,
it is immaterial whether the husband is on top of his wife or on her back as long as
intercourse is through the vagina, which constitutes the tillage. This is so because these
matters have nothing to do with religious or social policy but are entirely a matter of
personal taste. Such sayings were among the absurdities of the Jews and Allah Ta'ala
abolished them. (Hujjat Allah
al-Baligah, vol. 2, p. 134. )
It is not a function of religion to
define the postures of sexual intercourse. However, a Muslim who fears Allah in his
relationship with his wife and possesses the certainty that he will meet Him avoids the
anus because the Prophet (peace be on him) said, "Do not approach women from the anus." (Reported by Ahmad,
al-Tirmidhi, al-Nisai, and Ibn Majah.)
Again, he referred to such an act as "minor
sodomy." (Reported by Ahmad and
al-Nisai.) A woman of the Ansar asked him concerning
vaginal intercourse from the back; he then recited to her, 'Your wives are a filth to you, so go in to your
tilth as you
will,' but with only one receptacle.
(Reported by Ahmad.)
'Umar came to him one day saying,
"O Messenger of Allah, I am ruined!" "What has ruined you?" asked the
Prophet (peace be on him). He replied, "Last night I turned my wife over,"
meaning that he had had vaginal intercourse with her from the back. The Prophet (peace be
on him) did not say anything to him until the verse cited above was revealed. Then he told
him, "From the front or the
back, but avoid the anus and intercourse during menstruation." (Reported by Ahmad and
al-Tirmidhi.)
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The Qur'an praises virtuous
wives, ...Who are obedient, guarding
in secret what Allah has guarded....(4:34)
Among those secrets which must be guarded is the intimate relationship with the spouse
which it would be wrong to discuss in a gathering or speak about to friends. The Prophet
(peace be on him) said: Among those
who will occupy the worst position in the sight of Allah on the Day of Resurrection is the
man who has intercourse with his wife and she with him, and then he spreads her secret.
(Reported by
Ahmad, Abu Daoud, and al-Bazzar.)
Abu Hurairah narrated, Allah's Messenger (peace be on him) led us in prayer, and when
he had finished he turned toward us and said, 'Remain seated. Is there among you the man
who comes to his wife, closes the door, and draws the curtain, and then goes out and
speaks about it, saying, "I did this and I did that with my wife?" They remained
silent. Then he turned toward the women and asked, 'Is there among you one who tells about
such things?' A girl raised herself on her knees so that the Messenger of Allah (peace be
on him) could see her and listen to what she said. She said, 'Yes, by Allah, the men talk
about it and the women do, too.' Then the Prophet (peace be on him) said, 'Do you know
what those who do this are like? The ones who do this are like a male and female devil who
meet each other in the road and satisfy their desire while the people look on.
(Reported by the
compilers of Sunan.)
This emphatic way of expressing the
matter should be sufficient to turn the Muslim away from such ill-considered and degraded
behavior, which would make him or her resemble a devil!
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